The worst song in the world
Well, I’m not sure if it’s the absolute worst. But the English lyrics have got to come close! It starts off with a line that means absolutely nothing:
“I was not looking for arty-farty love”
What’s that all about? There are lots of types of love, but arty-farty is not one I’ve heard of.
This is followed by one bad cliche followed by another - topped off by the brilliantly conceived:
“The wuthering heights,
And the stormy nights”
(Poor Emily Brontë - and Kate Bush, for that matter.)
The song, called ‘10,000 Nights of Thunder’, is by the Danish band Alphabeat. It still gets so much air time in Denmark, which is pretty sad, don’t you think? But good on for them for making such a success out of a load of drivel. On the bright side, the music is fun, jolly and upbeat, which is maybe meant to cheer up radio listeners amid these dark, grey months.
What are your all-time worst song lyrics?
December 13th, 2007 at 2:35 pm
Ah, that one’s been annoying the **** out of me, too. And I thought I was the only one turning into a grumpy old(ish) man. Anyway, similar spasms of intense disgust with the entire human race (or selected samples thereof) had me in their throes when a Danish pop princess whose name escapes me and everyone else at this point in time launched the original version of the quite-catchy-really “Superstar”. In this original incarnation, it boasted lines of such Avril Lavigne-like awkwardness as “You must be some kind of superstar/’Cause you move like you’ve got some kind of choreographer”. The horror. At least Amelia had the decency to change that particular line before inflicting the ditty on wider audiences.
And so ends my rant. Prompted by your reference to Kate Bush, I will, however, share with you that the delights of the ancient Not the Nine O’Clock News parody - Oh England My Leotard - can be found on YouTube now. I reproduce the lyrics below for your immediate amusement.
Best regards,
René
Oh England, my Leotard
I was into yin and yang and hatha yoga Ginseng and caraway seeds and being a non-smoker
My cauliflower quiches were better than the bought ones
And I was thicker than two short ones
People bought my latest hits
’Cause they liked my latex tits
Everyone trying hard
To get inside my leotard
Went to my hairdresser to have a hair-do (hair do-be-do-be-do) He asked if I knew A La Recherche De Temps Perdu
That’s how I was introduced to Colette, Cocteau and Marcel Proust
Now wholefood cookery is just a sideline
(Shrill ‘La-La-la’ middle eight.)
I went to Cairo and I read the Gnostic Apocryphon of John in the original Coptic
Korsakoff’s psychosis theories
And the Fibonacci series
Studied acupuncture and the Bible - the Byabubble -
Opened the windows in my mind
‘It’s not your mind, it’s your body they’re into-oo-oo’ My business manager said.
He said that I need an intellect like I need a
Hole hole in the in the hole in the head
Though I’m an honorary member of Mensa now
I have to try and keep up a pretence somehow
‘Cos you buy my latest hits Because you like my latex tits
And you’re all trying hard to get inside my Leotard leotard leotard
Oh England, my leotard Ooh ooh ooh ooh
(High, ‘ooh’s, increasingly varispeeded up in pitch until they’re so high only dogs can hear them. And tall ones at that.)
December 13th, 2007 at 3:59 pm
Thanks for your excellent comment, René. I’m glad there’s someone else out there who dares to challenge the pop powers!
I remember this sketch! It’s one of the classics from Not the Nine O’Clock News (but perhaps not on a level with the McEnroe one!). I’ll be sure to check it out on YouTube.
December 19th, 2007 at 4:38 pm
ARTY-FARTY? You just burst my happy Danish pop bubble. I thought these guys were all smarty and that the lyric was, “I wasn’t looking for an artifact of love.” And that was all philosophical and clever.
How disappointing.
December 19th, 2007 at 4:41 pm
Well, it’s your line now, Anastasya! You said it first on this site
January 3rd, 2008 at 10:45 am
Thank you Dan. For a long time I wasn’t sure if: (i) I had misunderstood the line (and was just being cynical about Danish songwriting); or (ii) I was the only one who had noticed this terrible pop-crime. Perhaps you can send Anastasya’s version in to Radio 2’s “Misforståede sangtekster”. It’s definitely an improvement on the lyrics.
January 3rd, 2008 at 11:52 am
Hehe. It was David, not me that wrote the post. But I\m glad it was helpful.
January 3rd, 2008 at 12:13 pm
I had no idea there was such a Radio 2 bit! I’m sending it - will let you know if anything happens (like a PR from the arty-farty band letting the world know they’re improving on the original thanks to Eye for Image). Is this a whole new industry for us?
June 16th, 2008 at 10:51 am
These are hands down and by far the worst lyrics I have EVER had the misfortune of experiencing. The song, ‘Life,’ is written by British pop/soul singer Des’ree who (thankfully) has been off the radar since her fame peak in the 1990s.
Check out the 2nd verse (3rd paragraph below), and I am absolutely certain you’ll feel the same way:
LIFE
Chorus:
Life, oh life, oh life, oh life,
doo, doot doot dooo.
Life, oh life, oh life, oh life,
doo, doot dooo
I’m afraid of the dark,
’specially when I’m in a park
And there’s no-one else around,
Ooh, I get the shivers
I don’t want to see a ghost,
It’s a sight that I fear most
I’d rather have a piece of toast
And watch the evening news
(Repeat Chorus)
I’m a superstitious girl,
I’m the worst in the world
Never walk under ladders,
I keep a rabbit’s tail
I’ll take you up on a dare,
Anytime, anywhere
Name the place, I’ll be there,
Bungee jumping, I don’t care!
(Repeat Chorus)
life, doo, doot dooo
doo, doot dooo
So after all is said and done
I know I’m not the only one
Life indeed can be fun, if you really want to
Sometimes living out your dreams,
Ain’t as easy as it seems
You wanna fly around the world,
In a beautiful balloon
(Repeat Chorus)